The Fickle Flame of a Candle
by ToCryCrimsonTears
Summary: I'm a fool.Is...is it right to feel this way? Why does she smile at me and reach out her hand...why does she wish to touch me? I'm filthy...impure..NejiXHinata
1. You're screaming inside, and unheard

A/N: Well, I started this after I threw my shoe at the computer in frustration that there weren't any NejixHinata fics. Sure its incest, but soo friggin cute. I am personally very proud with myself for finishing my first Naruto fic ever.. It's kinda angsty…I think….shrug well whatever…Hope you like it. I'll add on chapters instead of keeping it a one shot if anybody really wants it…I'll need lots of reviews though. Sinister smirk whahahahahahahahahahahaha! I have now mastered the ancient art of manipulation! You know you're gonna want to review…reeevieeeeew…..reeevieeeeeeww.

The italics are Neji's thoughts, but its more of a whisper in the back of his head than a straight out thought.

The Fickle Flame of a Candle (One shot)

_I haven't been able to think._

_I haven't been able to sleep._

_I can't concentrate._

_I can't understand._

_I can't understand these feelings…._

_Is this normal…a normal way to feel?_

_I can't feel….I'm numb…_

_I'm cold…_

_I'm cruel…_

_Heartless…._

_I can't love…_

_I can't breath…._

_I can't breath…._

I CAN'T BREATH!

My eyes snapped open and stung instantly. I tried to take a breath, but no air fills my lungs_. I can't breath_. Salt…it tastes like salt…my throat is burning. _I'm drowning, drowning in my own tears, my sorrow, my confusion, my hate….  
_I sat up gasping for air. My quick intake of breath only caused me to cough up the water that filled my bronchial tubes_. I'm struggling, straining to do something I was once able to do without thought, something simple. What changed….?_ When I felt the cold sides of the bathtub against my body I calmed. I was safe, in my own bathroom. I must've fallen asleep in the tub again…I hate when I do that, but I can't close my eyes. She's always there smiling at me.

_ Why is she smiling, why at me?_ That face is so soft…so kind. She holds out her hand, _but why does she wish to touch me…_I'm scum compared, and I never asked for it. I never asked to be scum. _My blood, my blood is dirty, filthy…._ Why touch something dirty? _Filthy, impure…._ I wish I could get her away. _Away from me. _I do not wish to taint her, but at the same time I wish I could. She wants to be tainted. _I can see it._ I can see it in her eyes, it's a silent plea. A cry…

"Neji…" My name a soft whisper that lingers on her soft lips. I want to taste those lips. The very same lips that manage to whisper my name, that dare to whisper my name like that. _Just a whisper._ I remember that night. The night she said my name, so unsure, so…

The bronze leaves of autumn blew over the moonlit path in such a way as to make it seem as if the girl before me was fixed in a sliding walk, as if letting the motion of the wind and the leaves carry her forth. Her head was tilted to watch her shoes stir the swirling leaves. Her face was slender and milk-white, and in it a kind of gentile hunger that touched all of her surroundings with this tireless curiosity. It was a look, almost of pure surprise; the pale eyes were fixed to the world in a way that no movement could escape them. I took a step forward, as if I were following a deer, trying my best not to startle the beautiful creature that walk just ahead. She turned to face me. I could see myself in her eyes, suspended in two shinning drops of bright water, a heavenly liquid, myself dark and tiny, in a fine detail, I could count my eyelashes if I had tried, everything there, as if her eyes were two miraculous bits of pale violet and white that might capture me, hold me intact. _Like the hunter becoming hunted. _She turned her head away. "Neji?" her soft voice was like a black feather that danced upon the crisp air of autumn. She turned to face me once more, her face a fragile milk crystal with a soft constant light that danced across her features. It was not the vibrant light of electricity but-…_a candle. _It was comfortable and rare, a gently flattering light of the candle.

I remember this light from when I was younger. The power in the house went out and I sat in my room, only a candle to keep me company, and for the brief moment that I couldn't seem to take my eyes away, there was a feeling of rediscovery, of such illumination that the span of the sky had seemed to lose it sense of vastness and drew a sort of comfort around me. I found myself hoping the power would not come back on again….not to soon.

That is how I felt now. _She's like to dancing flame of that candle…_ I was looking at that candle once more. "Yes?" I replied coldly as usual. She frowned at my tone, but I didn't care. _Liar…._ I was expecting a simple 'why are you here?' or 'What are you doing?' to both I had no answer, but instead…

"A-are you happy….?" Her voice lingered on the air as if it were a newly fallen leaf. I had no answer…not one… Was she doubting my happiness? Was I happy? Was I not? So I answered how I had trained to for my entire life. I glared at my cousin her pale face displayed an unreadable emotion. "What a stupid question…who cares…."

Now I look down at the sudsy bath water that envelopes my body and I realize. I'm not happy…_I'm alone…_I'm far from it. The power is out and I have no candle to guide me…_lost…_that candle, that smile that warmed you from the soul out…I'll never have it… that warmth is lost, and when I get the chance to have it I push it away…_I'm a fool..._I deny myself what I want the most. And a million years from now that candle will still be burning, bringing warmth to all that draw near, and I'll remain distant, cold, alone.

_I haven't been able to think._

_I haven't been able to sleep._

_I can't concentrate._

_I can't understand._

_I can't understand these feelings…._

_Is this normal…a normal way to feel?_

_I can't feel….I'm numb…_

_I'm cold…_

_I'm cruel…_

_Heartless…._

_I can't love…_

_I can't breath…._

_I can't breath…._

_I'm drowning, drowning in my own tears, my sorrow, my confusion, my hate…._

_I'm struggling, straining to do something I was once able to do without thought, something simple. What changed….?_

_Why is she smiling, why at me?_

_but why does she wish to touch me…_

_My blood, my blood is dirty, filthy…_

_Filthy, impure…_

_Away from me_

_I can see it_

_Just a whisper_

_Like the hunter becoming hunted_

_a candle_

_She's like to dancing flame of that candle…_

_Liar…_

…_I'm alone…_

…_lost…_

…_I'm a fool..._

…_I'm in love…_


	2. Note

Note: Hey. I know some of you are probably like WTF? As far as where chapters 2-6 went. On that note, I decided to leave that a one shot, I've had writers block since maybe the fifth chapter and I felt bad cause I wrote up chpt seven and was like 'This is soooo not fair to the readers' cause you know I was basically making it up as I went. That's just note right to make you people suffer through so I saved you a headache(and myself…I was running out of advil! .) and left it to what it originally was. You can yell at me for it if ya want to, or just accept it. I don't mind either way. So sorry to those who wanted it to continue, but my brain is fried. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


End file.
